The Origins of You

From licensed therapist and popular Instagram relationship expert Vienna Pharaon comes a profound guide to understanding and overcoming wounds from your family of origin - the foundation of how we relate to others, ourselves, and the world around us. None of us had a perfect childhood; we are all carrying around behaviors that don't serve us - and may in fact be hurting us. But it doesn't have to be that way, says licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Vienna Pharaon. Our past might create our patterns, but we can change those patterns for the better with the right tools. In THE ORIGINS OF YOU, Pharaon has unlocked a healing process to help us understand our family of origin - the family and framework we grew up within - and examine what worked (and didn't) in that system. Certain dysfunctions (or "wounds") in that family of origin will manifest in our adult life in surprising ways, from work challenges to interpersonal struggles. But when armed with the knowledge about our past, we can rewire our programming to meaningfully improve our relationships and our lives. It doesn't matter whether you've been in therapy for decades, or whether therapy isn't for you. It doesn't matter if you have plenty of memories from childhood, or struggle to remember anything at all. All that matters is your willingness to look inside yourself, and your determination to find a new way forward. Complete with guided introspection, personal experiences, client stories, frameworks for having difficult conversations, and worksheets to complement each chapter, THE ORIGINS OF YOU will teach you how your family can both build you up and break you down - and how you can heal yourself for good.

From licensed therapist and popular Instagram relationship expert Vienna Pharaon comes a profound guide to understanding and overcoming wounds from your family of origin - the foundation of how we relate to others, ourselves, and the world around us. None of us had a perfect childhood; we are all carrying around behaviors that don't serve us - and may in fact be hurting us. But it doesn't have to be that way, says licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Vienna Pharaon. Our past might create our patterns, but we can change those patterns for the better with the right tools. In THE ORIGINS OF YOU, Pharaon has unlocked a healing process to help us understand our family of origin - the family and framework we grew up within - and examine what worked (and didn't) in that system. Certain dysfunctions (or "wounds") in that family of origin will manifest in our adult life in surprising ways, from work challenges to interpersonal struggles. But when armed with the knowledge about our past, we can rewire our programming to meaningfully improve our relationships and our lives. It doesn't matter whether you've been in therapy for decades, or whether therapy isn't for you. It doesn't matter if you have plenty of memories from childhood, or struggle to remember anything at all. All that matters is your willingness to look inside yourself, and your determination to find a new way forward. Complete with guided introspection, personal experiences, client stories, frameworks for having difficult conversations, and worksheets to complement each chapter, THE ORIGINS OF YOU will teach you how your family can both build you up and break you down - and how you can heal yourself for good.

A Marginal Revolution Book of the Year After tracking the lives of thousands of people from birth to midlife, four of the world’s preeminent psychologists reveal what they have learned about how humans develop. Does temperament in childhood predict adult personality? What role do parents play in shaping how a child matures? Is day care bad—or good—for children? Does adolescent delinquency forecast a life of crime? Do genes influence success in life? Is health in adulthood shaped by childhood experiences? In search of answers to these and similar questions, four leading psychologists have spent their careers studying thousands of people, observing them as they’ve grown up and grown older. The result is unprecedented insight into what makes each of us who we are. In The Origins of You , Jay Belsky, Avshalom Caspi, Terrie Moffitt, and Richie Poulton share what they have learned about childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, about genes and parenting, and about vulnerability, resilience, and success. The evidence shows that human development is not subject to ironclad laws but instead is a matter of possibilities and probabilities—multiple forces that together determine the direction a life will take. A child’s early years do predict who they will become later in life, but they do so imperfectly. For example, genes and troubled families both play a role in violent male behavior, and, though health and heredity sometimes go hand in hand, childhood adversity and severe bullying in adolescence can affect even physical well-being in midlife. Painstaking and revelatory, the discoveries in The Origins of You promise to help schools, parents, and all people foster well-being and ameliorate or prevent developmental problems.

A Marginal Revolution Book of the Year After tracking the lives of thousands of people from birth to midlife, four of the world’s preeminent psychologists reveal what they have learned about how humans develop. Does temperament in childhood predict adult personality? What role do parents play in shaping how a child matures? Is day care bad—or good—for children? Does adolescent delinquency forecast a life of crime? Do genes influence success in life? Is health in adulthood shaped by childhood experiences? In search of answers to these and similar questions, four leading psychologists have spent their careers studying thousands of people, observing them as they’ve grown up and grown older. The result is unprecedented insight into what makes each of us who we are. In The Origins of You , Jay Belsky, Avshalom Caspi, Terrie Moffitt, and Richie Poulton share what they have learned about childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, about genes and parenting, and about vulnerability, resilience, and success. The evidence shows that human development is not subject to ironclad laws but instead is a matter of possibilities and probabilities—multiple forces that together determine the direction a life will take. A child’s early years do predict who they will become later in life, but they do so imperfectly. For example, genes and troubled families both play a role in violent male behavior, and, though health and heredity sometimes go hand in hand, childhood adversity and severe bullying in adolescence can affect even physical well-being in midlife. Painstaking and revelatory, the discoveries in The Origins of You promise to help schools, parents, and all people foster well-being and ameliorate or prevent developmental problems.